It can be easy to get self-centered and I can easily see why so many people are so focused on doing things for their own sake.
Whether it’s money you’re looking for or climbing the corporate ladder, being self-centered seems like the logical approach to getting what you want.
But you need to remember this: if it’s money you want, or that promotion, or that project that you need to complete, ultimately, you will have to depend on other people and people will be less willing to work with you if you are self-centered.
You will also find that if you are self-centered, there will be no one there to help you in your time of need when you need it most.
So here are 12 ways you can combat self-centeredness:
1) really listen
Really listen to what others are saying and try to absorb everything they tell you. This may seem like common sense, but when some of us are in conversation, we are only listening to the words that people say and we do not really understand or hear.
Try to remember the things that happen in the lives of others. There is nothing worse than asking the same questions to the same person each and every time you meet.
Think about it: how would you feel if every time you met a particular person, you had to ask them how they make a living? To me, it would feel like they never really cared what I was telling them the first time and that they were probably more concerned about themselves.
2) Offer your help
If you can afford the time and effort, you should always try to offer help. Perhaps a neighbor or family member is installing hardwood floors or installing a new garage door; offer your help.
Even things like offering to drive someone to the airport or offering to pick up something without being asked will make you look like someone who cares for others.
These little offers will help you build lasting relationships, and while they may be small favors, to others it will feel like you’re doing everything you can to help.
Normally, whenever I tell others that I’m doing something (like painting a bedroom) and someone offers to help, I usually decline the offer, but in the back of my mind, I really appreciate their willingness to help. These offers to help me do not go unnoticed and I will generally be the first to come to the aid of those who have offered me help in the past.
3) Be humble
Got a new big screen TV or a new old vase? Don’t brag and don’t bring up the subject unless others ask about it, and even when asked, you don’t have to give the impression that it’s something that important.
Instead, let that new big screen TV or antique vase do the talking for you. You don’t need to point it out to others or add any more ballast comments you want to make it seem more materialistic and selfish than it really is.
If all you do is talk about how expensive or quality your new TV is, you will not only turn off your audience, but you will also lose the desired effect that the TV was supposed to have in the first place because others will start thinking “how? who cares?”.
4) Don’t compare yourself to others
Do the Joneses have a new car? A new living room game? A new barbecue game?
This is the kind of thing that can provoke jealousy if you constantly compare yourself to others. By constantly trying to keep up with the Joneses, he will slowly begin to do anything and everything to keep up or stay one step ahead of them.
Are you one step ahead of the Joneses?
Well then there is no reason for you to tell everyone that you are one of them because if you do, this will only aggravate the situation and will only promote more of this competitive behavior on the part of the “Joneses”.
Instead, just be happy for the “Jones” – there’s no need to prove who is better than the other because in the end, when you die, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.
5) Get a compliment, give a compliment
When someone compliments you, return a compliment.
It should be a great honor in itself to receive a compliment from someone and one of the best ways to thank them for the compliment is to return one in return.
For example, if someone says something like, “You are a good husband,” then they come back with something like, “Well, I’m not as good as your husband! He is much more ______ than I am!” You will be amazed at how well received your “bounce” compliment is received.
In fact, this will encourage them (as well as others) to congratulate you more often on the things you do well and perhaps even the things you haven’t even thought about. You will find that these compliments will only cheer you up in everything you do and give the impression that you are thinking of others and that you are not only thinking of yourself.
6) Always remember to give thanks
Whenever someone helps you, offers you or gives you things, always remember to thank them. Even if it’s an insignificant little thing, saying “Thank you” shows your appreciation.
Sometimes it may be wise to even go out of your way to show your appreciation. Things like inviting someone to dinner as a thank you for something they did help show how genuine your “thank you” really meant to them.
The last thing you want is to be considered ungrateful because the more ungrateful you seem, the fewer people will be willing to do things for you.
7) Give praise
If you talk about other people, try to praise them and avoid negativity in the conversation. Doing this will show the strength of your character because you are not negative to other people behind their back.
Spread some positivity when it comes to talking about other co-workers or neighbors and you will stand out as a positive person. Before you know it, everyone will want to work with you or have healthy conversations with you.
If all you do is criticize or speak ill of others, people will start to get the impression that you think you are better than others and if word gets out about what you have been talking about, it is likely that more and more people start talking. about YOU behind their back.
8) Regardless of the actions you take, think about others and not just yourself
If more money is what you are looking for, don’t just think of it as having more money for yourself; instead, think about the financial security this extra money can bring to your family and how you can share in the fruits of your labor. with your friends.
Whatever you do and whatever actions you take, don’t do it just to achieve a selfish goal; think about how it could benefit others.
By having this mindset, you are sure to find other people who are willing to help you and help you in your cause. Not only that, the actions you take will be done for the good of many and will be much more rewarding once your goals are achieved.
9) keep an open mind
Has Uncle Ted filed for bankruptcy again? Is your cousin pregnant again out of wedlock? Has your friend Joe been fired for the fifth time this year?
Before you start gossiping to others about what is going on with these poor individuals, stop and be open-minded when thinking about their situations. Put yourself in their shoes instead of thinking that you are better than them.
I would venture to assume that some people would probably be delighted to hear such discouraging news about other people because it makes them feel better about themselves … they will start to think “I’m glad it’s not me”, or even “Ha, look at their situation, at least I’m nowhere near his level of incompetence. “
Also think about how you would feel if something bad happened to you. If you’re the gossipy type and something bad happened to you, I can guarantee that others will be talking about it and I wouldn’t be surprised if others were happy it happened to you. After all, you did the same things to them, right?
10) sincerely care about others
If you hear that someone was involved in a car accident or that a co-worker is sick, really care about that person. Even if you have never met the person in question, your main concern should be those whose lives you touched.
Ask them if they are okay and ask if there is anything you can do to help. Treat everyone like family – when you care about others, others will care about you.
By expressing your concern in this way, you are letting others know that their concerns are their concerns too, something that most people value highly.
11) Involve others in your plans
If you’re planning a road trip or even a simple barbecue at home, ask if other people would like to join. This will really show that you like the company of others and that you are willing to share your experiences with them.
Don’t think of how that road trip or barbecue as something only you should enjoy, instead think of it as something shared and enjoyed by those around you. Also, the more the merrier and I am sure you will have a much better time in a group than alone.
Whenever other couples invited us on a road trip or even a vacation, I was honored to have been included in their plans, even though I know they would probably rather spend those romantic vacations alone.
12) Be a good host
As long as you have guests, be a good host. Make your guests feel as if your house is their home and, above all, make them feel welcome.
Remember to do the usual: ask them if they want a drink, if they would like a snack, if they can put away their coat. This makes others feel like you are putting their comfort before your own.
It is that repeated concern for others that people will remember and help make them less likely to think of you as self-centered.