I have been a tarot reader for 23 years, and in that time I have had the honor of being privy to the hopes, dreams, and deepest secrets of thousands of people. Many of my clients come to me to confirm what they already know, or are at a crossroads and don’t know which way to go. Some people are married and wish they weren’t, and others are single and wish they weren’t. It often seems that the grass is invariably greener on the other side of the fence!

Looking for Mr./Mrs. Correct

Relationships of all kinds make up a large part of the reasons why both men and women seek my advice. Some want to know if the person they are with, or just met, is the right person for them, or if they have to wait for someone else to arrive.

Obviously I’m generalizing here, but many people are disappointed to learn that that cute guy or stunning woman they just met is likely to bring them more grievance than happiness. What other people think about your choice of partner is usually of the utmost importance, and the more handsome you are is seen as a way to elevate your own status. As if having a good-looking partner means that we are somehow more special than those whose partners are not blessed with obvious physical beauty.

In the shallow world many of us live in, true love has a hard time surfacing when it’s not married to a beautiful face and a fit body.

our fantasies

Many people have this vision of the perfect partner that will make their lives complete, and the only dispute will be over who does the dishes or takes out the trash! Whether we call him Soulmate, Twin Flame or Mr/Ms Right, it’s the same thing: many people have this vision of someone who will totally understand them and life will become harmonious and so much better when we meet them.

What people don’t necessarily ask is: what would that model of virtue see in us? What would make them choose us to be their partner for life? Looking fantastic and/or being sexy is not enough, not for a lifetime commitment. There has to be some other attraction, something deeper and beyond the physical.

Are we willing to change ourselves?

When I ask this question, I’m not referring to losing weight, going to the gym, or dying our hair a different color. What I mean is, are we willing to change internally to become the best ‘us’ that we can be?

It’s all very well looking for the perfect long-term partner, but since the world runs on energy, we’ll only attract partners who are at our current energy level.

Simply put, if we have problems with self-love, we are likely to attract a partner who makes us feel worse about ourselves. If we have abandonment issues, we are likely to attract an unreliable partner and keep us in a state of uncertainty most of the time.

Paraphrasing a famous Gandhi quote, ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’ – ‘Be the partner you want to see in your life’. How can any of us hope to attract a loving and kind partner if we ourselves are not loving and kind to ourselves or to others? How can any of us expect honesty and authenticity if we lie and cheat and pretend to be something we are not? The truth will always come out in the end!

The goal

Ideally, we need to get to a place within ourselves where we are happy to be alone because we like ourselves. We find ourselves to be good company and know each other well enough to always find something of interest to dive into. By doing that, we become more interesting to others, and we are also more likely to attract Mr./Mrs. Right to us, who might have similar goals and interests. It is a win/win situation.

We must also forget about the illusion that someone else can make us happy; they cannot, and should never pressure another person; It is unfair. Only we ourselves can make ourselves happy; then we attract other people who can share and enhance that happiness. This also encourages other people to stick around: it’s great to share happiness and be in the flow of joy, but being the object of someone else’s happiness is unlikely to be something anyone can put up with in the long run. Sooner or later they will want to break free, especially if they fail to create the happiness that the other person expects of them.

In conclusion

I would like to say that if we currently have a partner/husband/wife, that person is Mr./Mrs./Mrs. Right now. They may not be right for the future, but they are right for where we are in our lives right now.

If we are really happy in our relationship, then we could have the best relationship right now, and we will continue to grow together towards a rich and fulfilling old age.

If we are not happy with our relationship, it indicates that we must work on ourselves to raise our energy. We need to love ourselves more, and in doing so our partner will change along with us, or leave us (or we will leave them), as we will no longer resonate energetically. I’m not saying this is easy, and if someone is in this situation, they may need to get some outside support to get to a place of self-love, self-acceptance, and feeling of service to being truly loved.

Blaming our partner for our unhappiness is a waste of time and a distraction. The best thing is to save the energy we spend on blaming and use it to ask ourselves why we attract someone who disrespects us, is violent with us or simply bores us. Once we find the answer to that question, we can begin to change ourselves to the point where the unhappy relationship is pushed out of our lives.

I have a very good friend who has been happily married for over 25 years. She has told me that if you’re in the right relationship, it doesn’t take a lot of work. This is not to say that she and her husband don’t pick on each other from time to time, but her love and respect for each other far outweighs the minor things that are soon over.

I wish you all Mr./Mrs. Right of your dreams, and may you also be Mr./Ms. Right of the dreams of him!