I have written several articles outlining my experience after my husband’s affair for all to read. I often get emails from women in the same situation. Many ask me what is the best way to get back at the other woman and/or her husband. I understand these feelings because I felt them myself. I used to follow the other woman around her, trying to work up the courage to approach her. Or, I planned horrible ways to get back at her (which I never actually carried out). So, I understand wanting her to feel every ounce of pain and hurt that you feel right now. But, it might surprise you what your best revenge really is. I will explain below.

To understand how to best get back at the other woman, think about what she values ​​(and wants) most: Many people will tell me that they intend to play physical pranks on the mistress, such as messing with her car, doing something to her house, or embarrassing her or her in front of others. Another popular tactic is to tell her husband about the affair if she is married. Again, I understand this. But, let’s think about this for a second. These things are all temporary, right? She can fix her house and her car. And it is very likely that very little can embarrass her because she is engaging in behavior that shows that she has no shame.

What does he want and value that you can take away from him? Your husband. She wants to take your husband away from you. In fact, her best case scenario is for you to lose control and come across as unattractive, unstable, and defeated. Always remember that she wants you in a weakened state because she makes her job so much easier. So when you get angry, lose control of your emotions or attack your husband, you are following his plans. You’re making it so much easier for her, which just gives her what she wants.

How to get your life back from mistress: There is a saying that “happiness is the best revenge”. That is so true right now. The lady doesn’t want you to be happy. She doesn’t want your husband to be happy with you. She needs things in your house to be tense and heavy because this means that your husband will look to her for a safe haven. Don’t play with this. Don’t give her what she wants. Whether you save your marriage or not, don’t let it hit you. Don’t let her take away the productive and satisfying life from her. Don’t let it steal your self-esteem.

Here is the truth. Your husband’s affair has less to do with you (or even her) than you think. Often an affair is a man’s way of restoring his self-esteem or something that is broken within him. Very often the mistress was in the right place at the right time. It is more a question of time than anything else. There is nothing special about her. In fact, over 85% of cheating husbands admitted in one study that the other woman was no more attractive or seductive than her wives.

So what does she have that you don’t? She doesn’t live in the real world! She doesn’t have to pick up her husband’s dirty socks or make him a meal. She probably doesn’t ask much of her husband. She is all fun without any sacrifice. She doesn’t have to worry about bills or running the house. She can present herself as no-strings-attached fun.

But you know what? She can’t go on like this forever. The longer the adventure lasts, the more reality will set in. She will start demanding more from her husband and this will make her less and less attractive. And then she plays directly into your hand, instead of her being the other way around.

Don’t let her place a negative presence in your life: I know you think it can be so satisfying to confront this woman or hurt her. But believe me when I say that I have seen many of my readers do this and it hardly ever works out. She is going to do everything to make you doubt you and your husband. She is going to give you a mental image that is so hard to get out of your mind. And, she will only launch more negatively and doubt you. So don’t let her do this.

Instead, carry yourself with dignity and grace, two characteristics you definitely don’t have. Do not play the game and wait for it to come out. Focus on your husband, your family, and those things that are important to you. Educate yourself and your marriage (if you decide to save it). What this woman really wants is to stay in your husband’s life (and therefore in yours). Don’t let him do this. Throw it away like the little mosquito it is.

Ultimately, your worst case scenario is if your husband gets tired of her, cuts all ties, and then agrees to save his marriage with you. She doesn’t want this to happen. So your best revenge against her is to make sure this is exactly what happens, if that’s what you want. Remember, you make the decisions in your own life, not her.