Every woman has one in her life. As much as we wish she was a full-time maid, she isn’t. We all have at least one friend who has the ideal husband. You know the guy. He is the man who prepares a healthy breakfast for his wife every morning, washes the dishes, works all day, and then comes home to cook dinner, do the laundry, wash the floors, and take care of the kids. You hear all about their perfect, wonderful life while toiling away on a hot stove with your kids running circles around you complaining that they’re bored or need help with homework. How come the universe gave some women husbands who seem more than willing to tackle any household chore, but some of us can’t get our husbands to make toast if their lives depended on it? It really has little to do with destiny at all. Every husband has the potential to be helpful, caring, and supportive. It’s up to us to learn to bring those qualities out of him so that he becomes a partner who not only wants to help out at home, but is eager to do whatever he can.

If you’re wondering what to do if your husband isn’t helping around the house, here are a few ideas to consider:

Talk to him about it. A big mistake women make when they want something from their husband is to wait for him to read their minds. Ladies, men just aren’t as insightful when it comes to knowing what we want. She will get much better results if she walks right up to her husband and tells him directly what she needs help with. Okay, you shouldn’t bark orders at him because he will withdraw into himself and accomplish nothing. She plans a quiet conversation with him detailing all the things you’d like him to help you with. He be nice and don’t get too emotional. Men really appreciate when a woman can communicate with them in a way that doesn’t involve tears or too much emotion.

Give it more chance. Sometimes taking a detour to get to your destination is the best route to take. Such is the case when you are trying to get your husband to help you more at home. If you’ve already asked him to lend you a hand and he hasn’t stepped up yet, you can give him a little nudge in the right direction. If you two have kids, now might be the perfect time to get away for the weekend with some of your girlfriends. If you can’t afford a full weekend due to money or time constraints, book at least one night a week. If your husband is forced to take on the role of full-time caretaker and housekeeper, even for a few hours one night or on a Saturday afternoon, he will soon come to appreciate everything you do much better. The advantage is that you can have more time for yourself.

Leave some chores specifically for him. This suggestion is often the most challenging for reasons that will become very obvious in a moment. If her husband has chores he’s supposed to be responsible for, but you often pick up the slack, stop today. It doesn’t matter if it’s mowing the lawn or taking out the trash, if it’s on her to-do list, he should do it. Obviously, once the junk starts piling up, you’ll have no choice but to deal with it. The same is true if he has told you that he will take care of his own clothes. don’t do it. Let him do it when he decides he has time. While this is admittedly extreme and can get off-putting depending on the chores your husband still has to do, he does get results.

Don’t keep it to yourself if your husband doesn’t help out at home and you want him to. You need to change his behavior and attitude so that the two of you get to a point where you no longer have to chase and nag him to get him to help you. He will become one of those husbands that other women dream of.