You may be wondering why your baby is so different. Your baby seems to communicate her needs with such intensity; very persistent, full of energy, restless and demanding. Your baby always seems to need constant holding, nursing, and comforting. Your friends’ babies, on the other hand, sleep through the night, are calm, and don’t mind being held. Your friends don’t seem as tired as you. They keep saying they have an “easy” and “relaxed” baby. But here you are, exhausted, exhausted, grumpy and thinking, “what am I doing wrong?”

Your baby has a unique personality. Your baby is a high-need/strong-willed baby. High need because your baby needs to immediately receive what she wants to thrive. As you already know, there are no good or bad personalities. All babies need to be held and comforted, but some express their needs more strongly than others, such as babies with high needs. Babies with high needs will not give up until their needs are met; they are very persistent. Follow your intuition to offer your baby the level of attention that she needs. That doesn’t mean watching your baby’s every move, every second of the day. Doing this can affect your baby’s self-control skills. High-need babies really need you to be very responsive to her needs and not indifferent to her. If you plan to ignore your baby; she will only get short-term results, which means that your baby will learn at a very young age that her voice doesn’t matter and she will want to retire. The long-term effects will be devastating.

It is important to accept your baby’s communication style. One of the most difficult challenges for parents is overcoming the fear of “being manipulated” or “losing control”. Your baby is just communicating her needs in the best way she knows how. Most of her friends and relatives can tell her to ignore her baby or to let her “cry.” This is the main advice. Please don’t listen to them. Follow your maternal instincts, because they are there for a reason. If you choose to ignore your baby in order to “stay in control,” your baby will quickly learn that she is unvalued, unimportant, and not listened to. Eventually she will give up and retire. And that impulsive/strong personality will eventually channel into other areas, turning into anger and frustration, producing unfavorable results.

This is going to be very exhausting for you, I’m sure. It’s important not to feel sorry for yourself, but not to really expect too much of yourself. What I mean is don’t expect that you will do all your chores every day. These first few months will be extremely exhausting. You will be very tired. Once you accept your baby’s temperament and “let go” of her high expectations; you will be happy. Chores can wait, but your baby can’t. Later you will see the reward. You will see your baby’s unique personality begin to blossom.

Your baby probably wants you to feed more often. Of course, feeding your baby will meet her nutritional needs, but your baby loves skin-to-skin contact because it is so comforting to him. You’ll also be comforted to know that, according to studies, babies who are fed on demand cry less than babies who are on a strict, parentally controlled schedule. Don’t worry about how many times you feed your baby. Let your baby guide you, as this will also regulate the flow of milk (if you are breastfeeding). Carrying your baby in a sling, “carrying your baby” will also be very beneficial for both of you and will make breastfeeding easier. You and your baby will always be in harmony. Your baby will cry less, be calmer, and sleep better at night.

This will take a lot of hard work, especially in the early months (even the early years for some high needs children), however, you are helping your baby learn to create inner peace and self-control. High-need babies will not establish trust in you or begin to learn to calm down until they feel valued. This takes responsiveness… tons =) Don’t get sucked into the “convenient parenting” mentality or take critical comments from your friends and family seriously, telling you that you are “spoiling” your baby, or that ” They’re not in control.” Remember to trust your motherly intuition. Little by little, you will see that your baby will learn ways to calm himself down.