Aside from what to wear, it’s the most common conundrum faced by tourists visiting Oaxaca, and even expats who have recently moved to this colonial city in southern Mexico: what to give when invited to a wedding, fifteen years (when a girl turns 15 years old), baptism, anniversary party or any other event that marks a joyous rite of passage.

On the other hand, being invited to a regular social gathering for no specific purpose or reason is clearly a different and much easier problem to solve, since such gatherings can be seen as they are in the US or Canada; Regardless of the socio-economic level of the host, you can bring a box of chocolates, flowers, tequila or wine (the latter more for the middle class), something for the home, or even a souvenir representative of your country of origin such as a bottle of Maple syrup.

Oaxaca is one of the poorest states in all of Mexico, but it is one of the richest in terms of its diversity of cultures, rituals, and traditions. While it can be confusing to know what to give in any foreign society, not Western in particular, in Oaxaca it is an even bigger problem to solve, due to its uniqueness… the variety of ethnic groups, the wide range of socioeconomic status, urban and . rural considerations, etc.

Rites of Passage Celebrations in Oaxaca

Oaxacans celebrate initiation rites with much more frequency and enthusiasm than Americans and Canadians. In some cases, even for non-significant birthdays (ie, the ones we traditionally let go without special recognition) there is an expectation that your friends and family will come over for lunch or dinner, even if no formal invitation has been extended. Thus, Oaxacans are continually inundated with social obligations.

And since in Mexico, the family extends to compadres as well as blood relatives, family gatherings to acknowledge a plethora of initiation rites can sometimes take place almost weekly due to “fictitious kinship” relationships. The implication is that many more gifts are given in Oaxacan society than in the United States or Canada; meaning that financial constraints generally dictate a more modest gift-giving regime. There do not seem to be the same expectations as in the US or Canada regarding the quality of the gift received. On the other hand, there is an adage that goes something like this: the reason most Oaxacans have two or more jobs is that the first one provides a salary sufficient to meet the necessities of life, and the others cover the cost of social life. obligations

Who gave us the green blender?

It is still normative behavior in many towns and villages, and among working- or lower-class urban Oaxacans, not to enclose a card with a gift, though of course one can. This suggests that anonymity is accepted in terms of the gift you give. So you can “get away with it” with something more modest than one would otherwise think. There is often a receiving line where you are expected to physically present your gift. If wrapped in a gift bag or box, the recipient must have a very good memory to remember that it was you who gave them the medium-sized box wrapped in blue paper with a purple bow.

On the other hand, it is still common practice to present a gift affixed to an elegantly decorated piece of stiff cardboard and wrapped in clear plastic. Therefore, it is much easier for the recipient to remember who gave them the green blender. It’s a bit more confusing when there are four or five mixers given away at a wedding, a common scenario.

A blender? Yes, in addition to the accepted tradition of “anything goes” in terms of the value or quality of the gift, the type of gift is also viewed differently in Oaxaca. A lamp or a set of sheets for fifteen years; a pig for a country wedding, a couple of towels for a 25-year-old party.

Urban Gifts in Oaxaca

Registering for wedding gifts is becoming more common in Oaxaca than it was ten years ago. Registering at a department store with branches across the country like Sears and Liverpool (Fábricas de Francia) is becoming particularly fashionable for couples who will establish a home outside of Oaxaca. Since nearly all culturally middle-class Oaxacans send their children to college out of state, couples from two different states are more likely to marry. And they will be located in the state of the spouse who is not from Oaxaca, for economic reasons; it is more difficult to make a living in Oaxaca than in most other states.

Similarly, it is becoming more acceptable to ask for cash as a wedding gift, making the decision easier, except for the amount. Fortunately, the middle and upper classes now understand that not all foreigners are billionaires.

Donating to the welfare of a couple has arrived in Oaxaca. In a recent invitation to a wealthy couple’s 30th wedding anniversary party, cash was requested; and envelopes were handed out at the door, with a pen that allowed the guest to write down her name. Appropriate? Perhaps, since in Oaxaca the concept of requesting donations to a particular charity has not yet arrived.

It’s hard to go wrong with benevolence, religious and otherwise

Anything goes when it comes to gift-giving in Oaxaca. Gifts run the gamut in both urban and rural settings. There doesn’t seem to be the same perception of receiving an inappropriate or “not enough” gift. A gossip network does not exist. Oaxacans do not talk about the gifts they receive. They practically never send thank you notes.

If you really don’t know what to give, ask the person who extended the invitation if what they have in mind is appropriate. Alternatively, there is always the option of going to a store specializing in religious gifts such as rosaries, crucifixes, bibles and altarpieces. But first make sure you know that your invitation has been extended by a Catholic.