I read a great question on Susan Scott’s blog: “What kind of emotional trail are your conversations leaving behind?”

What a great question for the start of the holiday season. The emotional wake is the disturbance of the still waters that we create by what we say -or don’t say- and how we react. For some, family gatherings are emotional minefields that need to be negotiated very carefully rather than joyous gatherings where we feel loved and appreciated. Is your vacation one of these extremes or somewhere in between? What do you do to contribute to the emotional tone?

Perhaps this is the year to take a new approach to family gatherings. Here are some ideas I’m experimenting with for the holidays:

1. Where do I really want to be? As I evaluate the invitations, I will think about where I want to be: what is comfortable or pleasant for me rather than what I feel compelled to do.

2. Who do I want to be with? Yes, this sounds a lot like my first question, but it’s a bit different. As I think about the festive events, I would like to imagine how I will spend my time. Who am I looking forward to seeing? Are there conversations I really want to have and relationships I want to strengthen?

3. What can I bring to the party? No, not material things, although I always plan to show up with chocolate, usually handmade truffles. It’s about how I’ll show myself. How can I contribute to the success of the event? What will be my emotional tone? What can I give to others?

4. What should I leave behind? This is not the place for emotional baggage. Old gold grudges. Or petty stories. Or trials. How will I avoid these things?

5. How will I stay present, aware and responsible for the emotional tone I create and maintain? I’m not talking about false joy here, but about maintaining a calm and pleasant demeanor; to put aside small and meaningless wounds; to notice the positive; to share the love. I want to be in the moment and aware of the impact of what I say and do in a natural and comfortable way. I want to contribute to joy, not sadness, to trust, to love.

6. If I get caught and create a wake, how will I take responsibility? I don’t plan to see every word that comes out of my mouth, I want to have a good time and be human among humans, so something can go wrong. However, I plan to pay attention, own my statements and immediately explore any mishaps that may occur and listen, listen, listen and then listen.

7. What will bring me joy? I don’t know, but I plan to wait for it. And I bet, with joy as expectation, that I won’t be disappointed.

I love my friends and family. And I know they love me. Deeply focused on that knowledge, I plan to eat too much turkey, get to know my cousins ​​better, laugh, play trains with a young cousin and maybe read with another, and celebrate 65 years of two fantastic friends.

I hope that the trail I leave behind this year is full of multicolored bubbles of joy. And I hope yours is too.