I knew that I was dying. It had been five days since he had eaten, and in that time, he had only marginally been able to retain the tiniest of drops of water. Fasting was not a problem. However, there was no water.

It was mid-August 1984. A week earlier, as a representative of the Kauai Yachting Association which held a trans-Pacific regatta every two years, he had welcomed a father, his team, which had placed second in the two-handed competition. . (only two people on the boat) race.

I helped them disembark, carrying gear, trash, dirty clothes, and empty supply containers to the docking station where everyone was busy meeting, greeting, and celebrating. They still had wobbly sea legs after two weeks in the water, so we slowly made our way up to the clubhouse. As soon as they were ready, I went down to the next boat that had just pulled into the marina.

On a muggy tropical August awards night a couple of days later, I was accidentally placed next to Jerry, the father I had welcomed. His son had already flown back to the mainland. Jerry told me that he was looking for a crew to sail his ship back to California with him.

Before I could stop my mouth, I said, “I’ll go!” Hey? I had a sales job at a gallery 6 days a week and my kids were just coming back from visiting their dad to get ready for school. Hi Angela? My inner critic screamed, “how can you even think of going?”

“I will go!” I said again.

I bypassed my inner critic. She was always trying to put a stop to everything! I decided right then and there that this was the ride of my life and I was not going to let it go. So since the shipping would take 25-27 days, my boss laid me off for a month, I handled the logistics for my kids and the house. Two days later, Jerry and I set off.

I was excited and terrified. He was a good sailor: he had sailed since before I was born and I was absolutely comfortable in the boats, in the water and in it. But he would never sail across an ocean!

I had never experienced a minute of dizziness. But by the time we left the port of Nawiliwili, I nearly passed out as waves of extreme nausea washed over my entire world.

Jerry suggested that I go down on deck and rest for a bit, but I wanted to see the ocean and the way the sun crept up the sky over my rapidly shrinking island home. It was okay if I stood up, but if I sat down, I was a mess. If only I had stayed LEFT!

I eventually lay down, because over the next three days the nausea got worse and worse. I could stand up and I could lie down, but sitting made my world a dizzying hell. I got tired very quickly and couldn’t contain anything. On that first day, I lost every last bit of nothing in my stomach in the most disgusting ways.

On the morning of the fifth day, I knew that I would die of hypothermia if something didn’t change. He was lying on my bunk, fully clothed, with my down jacket inside my down sleeping bag. I felt like I was submerged in arctic ice one minute, in the fires of hell the next.

I kept wondering why me? What have I done to deserve this? How did an experienced sailor suddenly get seasick? How my brothers would make fun of me if they ever found out! Thoughts and feelings of anger, guilt, sadness, shame, and grief swirled through my water-deprived and nutritionally unbalanced brain.

Jerry came downstairs and said something that didn’t make sense to me and walked away shaking his head. Somehow I realized that he must be delusional. I suddenly had the feeling that if he died in the middle of the ocean, now five days from Kauai, he wouldn’t turn around and return my body to shore.

It was at that moment that I really understood that I had to make a well-defined decision. It was no longer about how stupid I was for easily parting ways with a perfect stranger, no matter how good his credentials. It was no longer a question of why he was dizzy. It was no longer a question of whether he could survive or what people might think or even what Jerry might do.

It was all about would I make it? Would you make the decision, right then and there, to do whatever was necessary, no matter what?

I decided that a tomato would be my savior. He had done many multi-day fasts by the time he was 20 years old, and each time he had eaten stewed tomatoes to break his fast. (I’ve been told it probably wasn’t the best way, but since I’m not fasting anymore, it’s not a problem anymore, right?)

I pulled out the ripest tomato from our few fresh vegetable stores. It seemed life itself, incarnated. It was plump and red, and it smelled really good, but a thought of eating it and my poor wrecked stomach turned over a couple of times.

I closed my eyes and told myself to myself, “You’re going to do this and you’re going to live, so stop talking about nausea. Thank you.” And bit a small hole in the skin.

For the next couple of hours, I had to fight to keep every little drop of juice down. At the end of the three hours I was able to grab a bite. Finally, I had eaten it all and I knew, I KNEW, that it would be okay. I feel asleep and woke up in time to relieve Jerry for the midnight watch. Thereafter, I did not experience even a fraction of nausea or dizziness, and even took over the kitchen.

In quantum physics it is said that multiple realities exist simultaneously. I know you’ve heard that before. But until lately I was thinking about my experience sailing to California so long ago, I couldn’t understand what they meant when they talked about how the universe collapses into a reality. Why use the word “collapse”?

I had a sudden vision of the scenes in “What the Bleep” where all these reality bubbles were floating around, each with a reality option in it. I saw that once I made the decision to live, to keep that tomato in my mouth, to refuse to let my body vomit every drop of juice, all other bubbles of reality collapsed into the one I had chosen to experience.

It was a true leap of faith to choose to live, especially since, for the next 22 days we spent sailing the wide Pacific, not seeing another human being or ship anywhere, not even a single wake above us, we stayed calm. . Doldrums, engine broke down when we tried to get out of them, a storm blew our mainsail and I nearly fell overboard retrieving it. And by the time we got to Santa Cruz, we were practically down to our last cup of water. I could have died in many other ways, but I was horrified to think that I could die of nausea and hypothermia!

What saved me? First, I am a survivor. I want to live. Second, and right on top of that, my clearly defined decision. What I felt was this: I don’t just want to live, I want to do it NOW, no holds barred, get out of my way, I’ll do what I know is best for me, I’ll do whatever it takes.

My question to you, at the start of a year where the world seems to have come crashing down, it’s an election year in the US, no one’s sure of a damn thing:

What well-defined decision are you going to make right now that will allow you to not only stay alive, but thrive, to the deepest satisfaction and fulfillment of your soul?

We all know how to survive. We’ve been doing it on one level or another our entire lives.

This moment is a moment of choice at the beginning of our calendar year: are you going to do the same old thing, the same old thing?

Or are you going to allow yourself to unleash your humor, brilliance, intelligence, beauty, uniqueness, and vitality at full speed and non-stop?

It’s not JUST about goals, folks. It’s also about how you feel.

Work on your goals and to-do list that you want to get done, but that will be there even if you never think about it again.

What is vitally important is how you feel. Because how you feel is how you vibrate, and how you vibrate is how you attract!

This is my list of feelings: I am calm I am relaxed I am inspired I am inspiring I am delighted I feel that I am doing well in my life I am grateful and fulfilled.

Maybe if I had felt this way on that fifth day off Kauai, I might have been happy enough to just let it go and die. But I doubt it! Too much fun to have!

What’s your list?

How do you want to feel about yourself, what you do, who you play and work with, your family, your body, your job, your finances, your fun?

How do you want to feel at the end of the day as you fall asleep?

Those are the only important options.

Because when you prefer those choices over less satisfying ones, people who feel the same way will align with you and sing the same song, paint the same picture, create the same feeling with you. And it will expand and grow and become resplendent.

This is the power of alignment in the game of attraction. But you have to BE attractive before you can attract. And you can’t be attractive until you feel good!

Make a list now of some feelings you would like to feel. Now.

Then do something small that helps you feel that way.

Then do more, and more, and more, and more.

I challenge you to live your magnificent splendor! Live it as much as you can in each moment, even when that means being quiet and in the background, or resting, or just receiving, it’s not always about being out there and assertive.

And remember: the rest of us love it when you live your life feeling great! It gives us hope, inspiration, and real, living permission to do the same, ourselves.

Thanks for being part of my life. My best, deepest, warmest blessings for a fabulous, unencumbered, open, and utterly delicious New Year!