Can interracial relationships work? Can you avoid being called racial slurs at least once during the relationship? Will it always be considered taboo? I don’t know the answer to all the questions that arise from interracial relationships. However, I know that interracial relationships can work. My personal experiences have turned into momentary failures that have produced lifelong lessons. I’ve looked back at them and found some advice and some encouragement.

I grew up in a small town called Dyersburg, Tennessee. There was a large secondary school attended by all customs, races and religions. The South is not historically thought of as advanced and progressive, but there is no choice but to progress when taught to the entire population by common consent. Naturally, there were a number of barriers dividing genders and races. None of them were enough to block the wonderful process of socialization. I found that the socialization part was critical. It really separated me from the pack later. I was a young black man who appreciated teenage hormones and the Baskin’s Robbins vibe (multiple flavors) of girls.

People often grow up ignorant of other races. Therefore, many remain attached to their own race. They fear what their parents and friends might say, as well as the fear of the unknown. I only liked black girls, until high school. I wasn’t dating white girls because I didn’t know how. How do you tell your mom your friend is white after hearing a bunch of white jokes over the years? It can be a confusing and risky task that some do not want to participate in. As a result, I went through middle school and high school dating big black girls and everyone else was off limits, due to self-imposed and society-imposed ignorance. I missed out on the friendship of a lot of potential girls of other races. There were plenty of pretty white girls he could still name. There were beautiful Indian girls, Asian girls, and races of girls I had no idea about. I left Dyersburg with little crushes that will never be known.

I dated the first white friend of my life while I was in college. Maybe I shouldn’t use the term dated. It was a fun adventure and the result of a drinking game called questions. She wasn’t as pretty as the Dyersburg girls. She was simply the answer to my curiosity. Many can relate to this part of the story. ADVICE: Protect yourself when it comes to satisfying your promiscuous curiosity. The only thing I learned from that episode was that someone of another race could actually be affectionate and attracted to me. He felt rewarding and empowering. The whole world opened up to me. I didn’t know if I could like someone really beautiful, but now I knew that there was no secret code that said to ignore the other race.

Later I went out with a reasonably attractive white woman who really liked me. She helped me break many molds. I was 5 feet 6 inches standing next to her at 5 feet 8 inches. That let me know that she could date white and taller. She had the great body that black men love. She was thick. Contrary to popular belief, many of us like symmetrical women. This woman was very balanced. She became more than just lust. She was so amazing and cool, that she became alarming to me. She laughed at my jokes, she cooked for me, she was sexy and sexually generous. She was intellectually compatible and culturally connected. I felt about to fall in love and she marked me. Once again, I wondered what people would say if I were married to a white woman, and someone I had to look up to! She respected me a lot, but I let her down. It was my first big lesson about fear of the unknown and ignorance of life. I backed away, never seeing her again after Navy boot camp.

I went to Japan while I was in the US Navy. I didn’t really feel interracial and international relationships. It would have been the double whammy. He was apparently ignorant of all races and cultures. I freaked out and dialed back into only black relationships because it seemed safe. TIP: This is a common mistake. I started a new world education about women, life, races and culture. I learned so much, that it even helped me to be less homophobic. He had respected friends from all walks of life and from multiple nations. This helped me develop a respect for a person’s heart. All women became potentially beautiful again in my eyes. I dated some Japanese girls in my home port, Yokosuka, Japan. I eventually found a diamond in the rough. She was really cute and super loyal. She was very cold and often witty. We developed a great relationship over a period of two and a half years. We went everywhere and did everything together as twins.

Once again, I broke someone’s heart out of fear, ignorance, and maybe selfishness. In fact, he loved her and was still letting me leave at the end of my Navy contract. She was a little madly jealous. However, that shouldn’t have been enough to give us up. I returned to the United States and we agreed to keep in touch. That never quite worked out because I ended up marrying someone else. I kept going, but it never would have happened were it not for fear and ignorance. I learned the lesson of my life. It was at the expense of another person’s heart and many difficult days for me growing up. Lessons learned.

How does a person overcome these obstacles? Let me help. The first thing a person has to do is socialize culturally. One person must be a student of the other person’s culture. If I respected my dear friend enough, I should have learned the culture, the language and the lady. This is one of the main thought processes for overcoming interracial challenges. If you do not engage in this study, offense is inevitable. It took me a long time to learn, but I learned that there are many great women under the outer layer called skin. There are academics, politicians, educators, innovators, and genuinely amazing women who just wanted to be loved 100% of the time and wished at least 50% of the time. They want to be appreciated. Forget about their skin when it comes to loving them. This applies to both sexes.

The number one reason interracial couples fail is a lack of understanding of love. They say that love never fails. It is only true when there is a proper understanding of love. Love is dying to self for the benefit of another. Kill your own selfish desires and cast them aside for the benefit of another. This is the love that can never fail because you are always in charge of not allowing it to fail. It has nothing to do with race and everything to do with sacrifice. It’s not just interracial couples, but all kinds of couples who never understand that. Hard earned knowledge in life has given me the opportunity to succeed as a relationship expert, but the path to wisdom was not an easy one. Take my advice and see love prosper and be fruitful.

Just a review of the most important things:

  • A person must become a student of another person’s culture.
  • Forget skin when it comes to loving people.
  • Love cannot fail if you define it properly and act accordingly.