During a recent keynote presentation in Ohio, I took my audience to a place that I bet they never thought a speaker would take them … to my room! And while it was a lot of fun to see how quickly I was able to get their full attention, they soon discovered that the subject was pretty straightforward. Funny, but tame. Now I share the same story with you.

Earlier this year, my wife and I decided to reupholster our second floor. While the old beige construction grade material had held up admirably, the combination of baby formula vomit, dirty shoes, potty training accidents, and other miscellaneous spills from long-forgotten origins finally took its toll. After choosing the new color, texture, fill, etc., we thought we were done. Just a catch … the carpet seller (a friend of a friend) did not move the furniture. Figures. So, singlehandedly, I took our entire king size bedroom set apart and moved it down the hall one morning … and then moved it back and reassembled it later that night. In hindsight, it seems like a lot of work to save a few hundred dollars, but I’m genetically predisposed to being a “value buyer” (aka cheap), so that’s the price that
pay on occasion.

Anyway, everything was fine until my wife and I went to bed that very night. While my wife’s side of the bed let out a surprising little screech, my side let out a loud, agonizing screech that I was sure would cause an immediate collapse of the frame. Only he didn’t. It was loud and annoying. But I was leaving town the next day, so I told Kim that I would fix it when I got back. I just didn’t. There was a family event that weekend and another trip out of town the following Monday … you know the routine. Soon enough, a week turned into a month and I got used to the screeching. But my wife didn’t.

After being threatened with an end to all “extracurricular” sources of screaming, I pulled out my toolkit one Saturday afternoon and went to work. I pulled out the mattress and box springs, expertly assessed the situation, and took a trip to the local hardware store. A couple of L-brackets would certainly work. Only they didn’t. Hmm. Maybe if I changed the rails, that would be enough? No. Wooden wedges? Do not go.

Okay, Mr. Fixit, I wasn’t. I was stumped. And impatient. So I put the bed back together and told Kim that I would try something else the following weekend. Hopefully he would at least get brownie points for trying. Again wrong.

Finally, in July, we put a bona fide furniture repairman at our community’s “Days from Home” festival. Phil was his name. He seemed to know furniture and didn’t seem like the underwear stealer, so we hired him. Within a week, he was standing in our bedroom with us, listening to our stories of grief and me explaining to him all the things that I had already tried. He stroked his chin, walked around the bed, sighed, and shook his head. “I’m not sure how long this will take, but I think I can at least improve the situation,” he said. There was hope. “However, the first thing we’ll have to do is fix your bed.” With that, he lifted the lower left corner of the bed and slid it to the left exactly four inches. Then he sat on my side of the bed and moved his butt a few times. Complete silence. The screech was gone!

Feeling that Kim was looking at me, I didn’t dare make eye contact with her. The best I could do was put my hands on my hips, say, “Hmmm, go figure,” and ask Phil out loud how moving the bed four inches could completely eliminate the squeak. Phil, sensing that my ego had just taken a hit, quickly came to the rescue. “Hey,” he said, “I’m a professional. I do this for a living and I just have a good eye for this kind of thing.” He went on to explain how even a little misalignment could cause the railing and headboard / footboard surfaces to rub in a way they weren’t supposed to … and make all kinds of unholy noises in the process. He charged us $ 75.00 for his five minutes of work (standard home visit charge) and said, “Call me if you need anything else. The next one is on me.” Now I REALLY felt stupid!

That night, as I lay (without squeaking) in bed, I thought about the events of the day. In addition to the obvious, there was a broader decline that Phil had helped illuminate. The whole episode was a perfect analogy of the importance of alignment in life. That same squeak, caused by misalignment, that I found so annoying with our bed, can be found splattered throughout life when we get caught up in activities that are out of alignment with what is really important to us. It just sounds different. It may be the sound of a his or a daughter saying, “Dad, please don’t go out of town again this week.” Or a spouse who says, “Don’t worry about it. I’m used to it.” It could be a friend who declines your invitation to golf or a “girls party night” so they can do something with their family. It could even be that silent internal anguish we feel when we get off track. This I know for sure: ignoring this kind of friction can do a lot more damage than my bed.

I’d like to offer three ideas to minimize your need for Phil the Repairman (and Dr. Phil as well, I guess):

1. Find out what is really important to you. Values ​​are the cornerstones of life, or at least they should be. Every now and then, we can benefit from sitting down with a pen and notebook and really thinking about what is important to us. Is it family or community service? Physical health, financial security, or job success? Maybe it’s wisdom, fairness, or a sense of adventure. Whatever is really most important to you, write it down.

2. Prioritize. My suggestion is to create a “Top 5” list. While all of our values ​​are important, they cannot all be number one. In fact, most people find that there is a lot of competition between their values, and conflicts often occur. Professional success vs. family. Physical health vs. adventure. Financial security vs. service to society. That is just part of life. But you still can’t stop. The next step is to write down the behaviors, actions, and decision patterns that go with these core values. This is the hard part and often where we find out whether or not our current behavior patterns reflect our higher self.
values. I know we’ll probably never end up with a perfect lineup, but I also know this: If you don’t decide what’s most important to you, someone else will.

3. Don’t ignore the squeaks. Over the years, I have met dozens of people who, in hindsight, decided to live with the “screeching.” Perhaps they hoped that by ignoring them, they would just leave. Unfortunately, unlike my bed, when life’s “squeaks” stop on their own, it’s usually not a good thing. In fact, it is usually a sign that some damage has occurred, possibly even permanent damage. A fractured or compromised relationship, a missed opportunity, or a decision made for us by someone else due to our inaction.

Squeaks in life are good things. They are reminders that we must take our time and put first things first.