Remember the days of that sweltering hot relationship/heart racing/never felt like this before/best sex you’ve ever had/can’t eat, can’t sleep, “can’t live without” you had? The census bureau says that she probably became a baby, or two…or three. And that, whether you like it or not, is biologically speaking the main reason you felt all that out of control, crazy crazy/light-out chemistry.

It was simply Mother Nature’s way of tricking you into procreating. It’s awful, I know. Just when you thought you’d found the one (or at least a decent one), you’d been fooled by several hundred thousand watts of biological voltage surging from your brainstem to and through your frontal lobes, saturating your ability to reason on a sustained basis. (albeit a relatively brief) period of time, prompting you to fall in love with someone who smelled and looked a certain way (indicators that they had very different biology… and everything else, it turned out) and made you feel an overwhelming desire to have sex with this person with a goal in mind (not the goal we love to glorify); exponentially increasing the chances of survival of the offspring.

If this biological plot failed and you’re still with said object of desire even after the chemistry is gone, I bet you’re fighting over your glaring differences because you’ve become attached (a completely different kind of chemical reaction), learn to tolerate this person with whom you probably have very little in common (other than their va-voom physical attraction), waiting for lightning to strike again with someone else, wondering how they could have made such a terrible error in judgment, OR have been the victim of another kind of equally compelling chemistry; your “love story”.

Let me explain, because while both types of chemistry are fascinating, this one is much more complicated. Your love story is your first psychological footprint about love. When chemistry ignites, it means that you have attracted someone who can match or look like that. For example: you seem to attract tight-fisted and emotionally unavailable people (like your mother or father), or really charming and funny alcoholics (like one of your parents), or people who are incapable of being faithful (maybe your father), or people who they love you. one minute and you’re forgotten the next (maybe your mom was a narcissist).

Whatever your story (i.e. your psychological interpretation of love, which is a matter of survival), these particular chemicals that flood your brain, making it seem like this person is a good fit, create attraction based on familiarity and recognition. ; it is not necessarily an indicator of a good or healthy couple. While this doesn’t always attract an opposite, per se, the unconscious choice we make will likely feel in the same league when we wake up and realize we’ve fallen into the chemistry trap.

But hey, come on, everything will be fine! We already have frontal lobes! I mean, can you imagine when we didn’t? We don’t have to imagine, we can look back in time and count all that we have to be thankful for, that is, that we have a choice. So, what do we do with the tension, the accumulation, that kind of friction that makes you want to devour someone, merge worlds, lose yourself in the other’s soul, leave the current situation/spouse/family/country?

My best advice is: think it through. Complementing someone with your differences is one thing, being incompatible due to real and blatant “great divides” is another entirely. And try this: try to feel your attraction and not act on it. Maybe even feel it to the bone and surrender to it completely, but DO NOTHING and see what happens. Just ask. So if you think it will kill you not to be around or possess the object of your desire, research that, and so on. If you feel like you can’t live a full and happy life without someone, find out. Because? What are these stories and feelings about? Are they true, and if so, are you willing to pay the price for acting on them?

When we set out on the path of self-enquiry we still have the luxury of fooling ourselves, but why would we do that to ourselves? Why, once we know the truth, would we choose something that is not in our highest good? Why would we bet on the chemistry of opposites, in this case, if it is not the best for us and those around us? Ask, I say… and then you tell me!

Then when you say potato and he says porn star… you can play with a different kind of chemical reaction and… RUN!