When King Freddie fired Merlin, the Prime Minister formed a union with Patron Saint George called NUPMAPS, the National Union of Prime Ministers and Patron Saints. NUPMAPS called a strike that resulted in chaos throughout the kingdom as the former Patron Saint, Cuthbert, resorted to the old methods of monster control. Desperate, Freddie asked Merlin for help in restoring order.

“I have Cuthbert demanding more resources to chase away the monsters and the Grumpy Greens lobby demanding that we preserve the monsters for posterity. The wild monsters have burned half the kingdom and the captive creatures are burning for lack of adequate sustenance. Cuthbert keeps bringing my monkey-tailed horses. Alexander bit the French ambassador, for which Pierre demands compensation of ten tons of Marmorgugelhupf cake. He knows I can’t meet his demands because Cuthbert has banned the production.

Why don’t you negotiate with the Vienna authorities to supply Pierre? Wed saidlin. ‘That’s where George got the magic cake, isn’t it?’

I’ve tried, but the Austrian government doesn’t seem to know anything about it.

‘So it’s either a state secret or George stumbled upon a local recipe with special powers,’ Merlin mused.

‘Well, it doesn’t help me!’ the king protested.

‘I’m sorry, but in my private capacity there is little I can do to help,’ Merlin replied.

Can’t you ask George to get the pie production going again? the not-so-joyful monarch pleaded.

‘Only if you stop victimizing every member of NUPMAPS,’ replied Merlin the Whirlin, ‘and that means restoring everyone to their former positions, with adequate salary increases to offset inflation and guaranteed weeks off.’

‘What is inflation?’ a puzzled Freddie asked.

‘It is the rise in prices of goods on the market.’

‘But prices don’t go up in the market; they have remained the same since the time of King Canute.

‘Ah, but prices could go up with the increasing demand for Marmorgugelhupf cake, especially since most of the keepers and vendors are eating it as well as the monsters.’

Freddie still didn’t understand, so he asked, ‘How much do you need then?’

How much do you pay Cuthbert?

‘Cuthbert is a special case, he’s doing three jobs at the same time.’

‘No good!’

‘However, he bears the responsibility.’

How about six shillings and sixpence?

For George?

‘Not for me,’ Merlin insisted. Who has heard of a patron saint who has paid that amount?

‘How much for George then?’

‘Oh, you can keep three and six, plus a free payment of a shilling to buy a new visor.

‘Why do you need a new visor?’

He says the clip on the old one is worn out and constantly falling off.

‘Then I’ll get the royal armor to fix it.’

What about bareheaded weeks?

‘What about them?’

‘Can we continue with our weeks without pointy hats and weeks without armor?’

‘Oh, okay, and I’ll have a coronation week.’

‘Then all is well,’ said a happy Merlin.