There is a popular book on the net called “Never Eat Alone” by Keith Ferrazzi. It can be described as the bible of tips and ways to become an uber-networker. Uber-networkers are the top level of super or extreme networks. If you know the book, it’s pretty clear that author Keith Ferrazzi, who tells you how he relates, is alone in a stratosphere. Part of this is the obvious financial opportunities he has to throw parties together with big names etc, but it’s pretty clear that the man not only engages when he’s “eating” but also when he walks, talks and God knows what else.

So what can make you an uber-networker?

Two simple (related) things.

The first is really getting to know and remember interesting points in another person’s life. Certainly, the names of birthdays, spouses and children are quite minimal. But what does the person do in his spare time? What about the quirks? Do you collect plastic ducks or flamingos? How do they vacation? Museums or Beaches? Do you like to read a good junk novel when you are on the beach or are you worried about skin cancer? There are thousands of bits of information about a person’s makeup and interests. The more you know about them, the better you will understand them.

Now let’s not stalk. Going to networking events with a pen and pad of paper, lurking in groups that are talking and taking notes would not only be weird, but pretty scary! Think of natural conversations you have or enter with people. Little details about the person’s interests are constantly blurted out during the course of any conversation when they talk about sports, vacations, business, family life, etc. Finding out how you are going to PRESERVE that information is something you need to figure out.

Once again, pulling out a pad and paper and doodling or pulling out your personal tape recorder and putting it up to your face would be a conversation stopper, to say the least.

Here are some ways that might work:

  • Create a valid opportunity to write something. It may be to promise them information or to contact them. If you have their business card, even better. Write on the back the information “Call Joe tomorrow,” but you can quickly note that he just celebrated his birthday, he’s a Bears fan, he likes Hummel figurines, he loves Coach bags, etc.
  • You’re done chatting, can you walk away and discreetly record some of the information you collected? An appropriate way is if your cell phone has a recording element. So while you’re recording that data, it looks like you’re just making a call.
  • Go to the bathroom or go out for a cigarette. Write down the relevant information and come back.

The fundamental thing to obtain information and retain it is tact and discretion. Do what comes naturally. So now that you have all this personal information, what do you do with it? This is the second thing you need to do to get a top network. Using what you have.

  • This is where you send the birthday card with a personal note, “Hi Suzy, I hope you have a great birthday.” Or “I remember your birthday was coming up, can I buy you a lunch to celebrate it?”
  • Email Frank about last weekend’s awesome game (Frank’s favorite team)
  • Write Bob a note mentioning that you remember he liked the Hummel figurines and you happened to see that they were having a show featuring them soon. Add the clipped article or web link.
  • Hi Nancy, I remember our great conversation at the last event where you were talking about the problems you had in motivating your people and I came across this article/website/supplier and thought of you and passed it along.
  • Good morning Beth, I remember you saying you liked (author’s name) books when you were going on vacation and I was at Barnes & Noble and there was a new one. He was asking me if you knew.

And so. What you’re doing is raising the level of the relationship to maybe not a friend, but maybe a friendly acquaintance who is aware of what they’re doing in their lives (and isn’t it nice to know that people show genuine interest? ) and are making an effort to acknowledge and support that.

But again, it has to be natural. For example, you don’t have to pretend to be a Hummel figurine collector to mention that you saw the upcoming event and thought of Bob and his interest. In that case, she paid attention to his interest and passed on information that supports his hobby. But if you’re not a sports fan and you’re trying to look like one, it will sound fake and pretty obvious. You can still reach out and say “Hey Frank, didn’t you say you’re a Notre Dame fan and they’re doing pretty good this year?” It shows that you listened, but that you don’t fully follow their team. And trust me; the fan will be more than happy to inform you.

A quick note on automation. We have many processes available today where you get someone’s name and send out regular newsletters about local happenings, articles of general interest and so on. This is not bad. It keeps your name and your organization top of mind, however, don’t confuse it with the strength of the personal touch, the “I was thinking of you” action. It is something that cannot be automated or falsified.

So these are the two things you have to do

  • Understand and collect information about people and their lives.
  • Do something about it. Build a relationship that shows you listened, remembers, and care about them and their lives.

You are creating a deeper and more meaningful relationship. You are exhibiting memorable consideration. And naturally, it flows that they will want to support you in your business and your success. Think about it. Do something about it. Be honest and helpful in your dealings. And a new uber-networker will be born!