“We don’t know if a choice is wise or wrong until we’ve lived through it. We can never really know where a choice will take us, although we can feel its direction.”

– Sarah Ban Breathach, something else; Digging out your authentic self

When it comes to making important decisions in life, I tend to waver back and forth.

I’m the type of person that tries to look at ALL angles. I write all the pros and cons that come to mind. I ask people for their advice. I do the research. I rack my brain trying to think of all the things that could go wrong. But of course trying to figure out all the possible things that could go wrong, or right, is technically impossible…because we don’t know what we don’t know yet!

Sure, we can anticipate the obvious likely outcomes, if we choose a certain course of action. But there’s just no way we can anticipate all outcomes because there are, like it or not, other variables that probably aren’t even on our radar yet.

In other words, we do not live in a vacuum.

I’ve been mulling over a major life decision for quite some time, so when I was reading the February 2017 issue of O Magazine, an article caught my eye. It was about the different types of decision makers that exist. So I took the little quiz and it turns out I’m “The Waffler.” I laughed out loud… yes!

Here is the description of The Waffler:

“You’re a thoughtful person who considers all angles… but now you’re overanalyzing, so busy you can’t jump. The more time you spend thinking about what to do, the less capable you are of doing anything at all.”

YES!

Sometimes I think so much that I feel myself in a big fat corner, pinned down by indecision and terrified of making the WRONG decision. So I stopped making ANY decision… which of course is still a decision, but not a particularly proactive one.

In terms of advising us Wafflers on how to get out of the pan of indecision, the article suggested the following: “Take a gut test. Write your choices on a separate sheet of paper and fold them into squares, then toss them in the air and collect the one that falls closest. When you read what’s inside, check your physical reaction. Are you holding your breath or sighing with relief? Do you feel lighter or heavier? Let your response be your guide.”

So that’s exactly what I did, and you know what? She helped a little! And I think I know why.

This strategy is similar to a cute little coffee table book I have called The Book of Answers by Carol Bolt. A dear friend gave it to me years ago. It is literally an answer book, with each page having only one “answer”.

So what you do is hold the book, close your eyes, ask yourself a closed question (eg, “Is the job I’m applying for the right one?”), then open the book to what feels like the page correct, open your eyes and your da… there’s your answer!

Here are some sample responses:

“That’s out of your control”

“Don’t ignore the obvious”

“Make a list of why not”

“You’re Too Close to See”

“You will discover everything you need to know”

Kids love it!

Now, of course, the book doesn’t really have THE answer to our questions. It just has an answer, and it’s up to us to see how that answer makes us feel. And that, I discovered, can actually be very useful, similar to the idea of ​​tossing the pieces of paper up in the air and picking one at random.

If I ask the book a question and I like the answer I get, then that tells me I might be on the right track. If I DON’T LIKE the response I get, and am actually a little annoyed at the Universe’s audacity to suggest such a thing, that’s also revealing in terms of helping me figure out what I don’t want.

“There comes a time when we are not allowed to know.”

-Judith Viorst

In the end, a decision must be made, even if it is a decision to do nothing at all. But what I’ve also come to realize over the years is that, for me, verbiage can be an important part of the decision-making process.

Maybe we hesitate when we know we need to make a change, but aren’t quite sure what or when… possibly because there are other factors and forces at play that we have no control over?

Maybe other things have to line up first and then when everything else is in place, it’s time for us to make our move, and lo and behold, we DO know what to do and when.

In other words, maybe the waffling process has helped prepare us so that we can make the right decision when the right time to make it comes?

Food for thought.